In other news around here, we need a holiday. Especially my darling hubby. He works his bum off in a stressful job and he's pretty worn out right now. Thankfully he's got a week off in November. While it would be nice to go away somewhere, I really think what he needs is a week to just chill out at home and lay on the couch every day if he wants to.
I'm enjoying the warmer weather that we've been having this week. I've been trying to get the dog out for a walk each day, depending on my energy levels. I always feel better when I do - usually there are consequences though. I pay for a twenty minute walk for the rest of the day, and sometimes half of the next day, but I still long to get out there in the sunshine for a short while. It's great to just breathe fresh air and I enjoy looking at all the flowers in the gardens of our neighbourhood. How I miss those days when I took for granted that I could lace up my shoes and go for a run, enjoying the feeling of a strong body and the elation of exhaustion that comes from exercising hard. That feeling of knowing that recovery was certain and I'd be up for more the next day. I still miss it. And even though it's been 8 long years and I've largely come to terms with chronic illness, there are still days when the mourning for my old life swells up and washes over me.
But this is where I'm at and I choose, as always to focus on my blessings. I only have to look around me to know that I am an incredibly lucky girl. I still seek healing and answers about my health every day.
Tomorrow I'm off to see my rheumatologist again to discuss the latest round of tests (heart, lung, and blood) I've had - to find out if my worsening health is fibromyalgia related or something more. We've been trying to track down what's going on since early this year, but as always, there's lots of signs and clues but nothing conclusive. While I don't like the sound of some of the potential diagnoses that have been suggested, if it is one of those nastier autoimmune conditions (scleroderma or lupus) then I need to know. The consequences of letting something like that go undiagnosed and untreated can be pretty frightening.
As those with chronic health problems will know, nothing happens quickly in this process. Getting appointments with the various specialists can take months, so extreme patience is required, as well as a steady nerve not to let your mind run away with worst case scenarios.
So we shall see what tomorrow brings, but for now, I'd better get on with what's right in front of me, and that's two loads of washing that need hanging out. School pick-up time will be here before I know it........and I've just realised I've got nothing to feed them after school so I'd better get off the ipad and get moving! See you soon.